Fatherhood

This is how I will behave with my children one day...

Response from Golf Digest

Following in the footsteps of my dear mother, I wrote a letter to the editor at Golf Digest a few weeks ago. Recently, their trend has been to write more stories about the impending disasters of global warming than about issues more pertinent to the game of golf. Am I wrong to expect such thing from a magazine called "Golf Digest?" Apparently I am, so I felt it was my supreme duty to send the editor an e-mail and share my unerring views.

I never got a response, so I assumed my letter was immediately sent to the "Trash" section of their inbox along with other correspondence that didn't mold well with their ideology. However, while searching my own name today on the internet via my new favorite search engine, Bing, I found something rather interesting under "Result 8 0f 93."

After clicking the link, I found that editor Bob Carney did take the time to give me a response, although somewhat lame and dodging. Click here to see it yourself.

Keep in mind that this is also the same publication features images of leader of the year Barack Obama and husband of the year Tiger Woods on the cover of its most recent issue with the headline "10 Tips Obama can Take From Tiger."

Like I told them already, "Tell me something about golf!"

Heisman Trophy

Tonight, we will learn who has won "the most prestigious award in college football," the Heisman Trophy. The finalists the 2009 season are Toby Gerhart, Mark Ingram, Colt McCoy, Ndamukong Suh, and previous winer Tim Tebow.

At this point, there doesn't appear to be a clear leader for the award, although Gerhart and Ingram seem to be battling it out for the top position.

Fortunately for you, I do have an opinion about who I think should win the award, and I will share my thoughts with you today.

Let's discuss the top candidates:

Colt McCoy: The Texas QB had pretty impressive number overall for the season, but unfortunately not even the best of his career. For 2009, he had 27 TD's and 12 Int's with a passer rating of 147.46. In 2008, those numbers were 34, 8, and 173.75, respectively. If he wasn't good enough to get it last year, he's still not good enough this year.

Note: I will still be pulling for him to have a career game in January, though.

Mark Ingram: Again, we have a candidate with very strong numbers on the year. Running the ball, he amassed 1542 yards on 249 carries. He also plays in what is generally considered to be the premier conference in the country, however the competition this year wasn't quite what we've become accustomed to in the SEC. His 18 total touchdowns for the year are quite remarkable, but I feel they are more a product of the system he runs. His statistics most likely could have just as easily been produced by his backup Trent Richardson if given the same opportunity.

Ndamukong Suh: Being the only defensive candidate in the group (and the first in a while), it is a bit difficult to compare him to the other candidates since his play on the field doesn't ultimately put points on the scoreboard. However, he may be drafted higher than any of the other players in the upcoming NFL draft. Although, he is a dominant force on the field and his individual presence forces offensive coordinators to make constant adjustments, his numbers still aren't quite what needs to be seen for a defensive player to win the award.

Tim Tebow: While easily possessing the best body of work for a career among all the candidates, the Florida quarterback may ultimately fall behind because of his less than "Tebow-esque" performance in the SEC conference game last week. His numbers for the year also aren't quite what we all expected to see from one of college football's greats in his Senior year. Statistically, he is somewhat similar to Colt McCoy in that both players had better numbers last year and still fell short in the final Heisman vote count. His selling point remains, however, that he is still able to make plays at the quarterback position that no other quarterbacks in the country even contemplate.

Toby Gerhart: The Stanford running back proves to be a strong candidate as he leads the entire country in both rushing yards and touchdowns for the 2009 season. While his numbers may have been put up primarily against less than noteworthy Pac-10 defenses, he still did it with a Stanford offensive line blocking for him. Since when has a school more known for its academics been able to claim a player who turns out 1,736 rushing yards and 26 touchdowns? In this aspect, he also possesses the same quality as Tim Tebow in that he is able to make plays that not many other running backs could do in the same situation.

Conclusion: If I had a vote, it would ultimately come down to Tim Tebow and Toby Gerhart due to their abitlities to make the unique and special plays that I mentioned above. When I get this far, I am somewhat conflicted, though. Gerhart was pivotal in leading his team to an 8-4 record with victories over Notre Dame, USC, Oregon, and Washington. This was also Stanford's first winning season in maybe... forever! Tebow also led a team that probably wouldn't have been nearly as good without his presence. However, Florida most likely still could have put out about 10 wins at the end of the regular season without their star. That is why, if I did have a Heisman vote, I would have to check the box next to Toby Gerhart's name. In my opinion, he in undoubtedly the best running back in the country. The main factor going against him is that he performed without all the media adoration that players like McCoy, Tebow, and Ingram received all year long. Hopefully, the Heisman voters can see past this in the end.

Pick the Bowl Games

College Football Bowl Season is almost here!

To celebrate the occasion, I've created a group on ESPN where you can compete in selecting the winners of the upcoming bowl games.

Follow the link here. The word "blog" is the password to join the group. You may need to create an ESPN profile if you don't already have one.

If you would prefer an e-mail invitation, send me a request at RossHatcher08@gmail.com or simply leave your e-mail address in the comments section below.

Good luck!

Bawitdaba

Last night, Betty Clair and I ventured down to one of our favorite venues in Nashville, 3rd and Lindsley. The lineup for the evening started off with Meiko followed by Jonathan Tyler and the Northern Lights. We really enjoyed the show put on by both artists and even got to have our picture taken with a legitimate rock star.

See...

As we were paying our check, I looked across the room and saw Kid Rock sitting at the end of the bar. Betty Clair didn't believe me that it was actually him, but I told her that it must be because the girl with him was way too attractive to be with a regular guy who looked like that.

I apologized before asking for his time to snap a quick photo, but he was very friendly and responded with, "It's okay, man. I signed up for this a long time ago." He also took several pictures with other patrons that evening and didn't seem to mind one bit. Maybe he was just in a good mood because he was there with the blonde seen in the background.

The weird thing is that right before we met Kid Rock is also the last time I remember having my cell phone. Did the rocker pick my pocket last night? If you get a prank call from my number in the near future, it may actually be from the producer of great classics such as Cowboy and Devil Without a Cause. Hopefully, I'll just find it later under the couch cushions...

Vote in the latest poll while you're here, too!

Thoughts of the Day

A list of ways to display incompetence:

• As a doctor, you could treat diabetes with ice cream and Reese's peanut butter cups;
  
• as a maid, you could clean grass stains with motor oil;
  
• as a personal trainer, you could give your clients flat-screen televisions;
  
• as a NASCAR driver, you could turn the steering wheel to the right;
  
• and as the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, you could give your annual award to Barack Hussein Obama.
  

Nobody could ever be that stupid, though... Right?

Guess again!  For some completely asinine (or politically motivated) reason, the Norwegian Nobel Committee decided today to give the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize to our valiant leader.  

The quote from their website claims this is due to his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."  With their selection, I assume they considered his cooperation with General McChrystal as he repeatedly requests the services of additional soldiers in Afghanistan.  They probably also recalled his cooperation with American citizens who overwhelmingly oppose his developing healthcare agenda.  I'm sure they also reviewed how well he cooperated with the many citizens who requested he produce his American birth certificate before the 2008 elections.  What a peacemaker!

Ironically, he's actually more qualified to win the Nobel Prize in Literature since he has actually written a couple of books... or was that Bill Ayers?

"Wood Grain with the Leather Seats...

...windows so dark you need a flashlight to see me."

After all these years, Betty Clair finally has a car that can be described in a rap song!  Yesterday afternoon, we went down to BMW of Nashville to look at cars and left that evening with a 2006 BMW 330i.  

(I'll give you a minute to let it sink in that Ross Hatcher let his wife get a car carrying a price tag with more than three numbers.  I know... it's shocking.)

However, after getting married last May, I completely abandoned my cheap, tightwad ways and adopted a new motto to keep my wonderful wife happy.  That motto (which I borrowed from a Vince Vaughn movie) is very simple and goes as follows:

What my baby wants, my baby gets.  

Betty Clair doesn't really believe I follow this protocol very well, but her new automobile proves otherwise.  I am so good to my wife in so many ways!

Check out the pictures of the new Beemer!

Praise Obama... and at Taxpayer Expense!

Some problems I have with this video:

• A kid would probably get expelled for singing "Jesus Loves Me" or praying in the corner, but this kind of trash is actually encouraged.
  
• These kids probably haven't memorized the Pledge of Allegiance yet, but taxpayer dollars are being used on teachers who would rather manipulate and corrupt these impressionable minds than actually teach them something useful.  How about some arithmetic?
  
• Since I'm reminded of songs I learned in Sunday School, when the line "Red, yellow, black, or white" is recited,  aren't these teachers ripping off lyrics from another song meant to praise a real savior?  I guess plagiarism is an approved form of writing in public schools now.  (That's also a pretty bold claim to assume that all racial groups are equal in Obama's eyes.)
  
• Fox News is the only major news site mentioning this story on their website right now.  The alarming school-related story being covered by MSNBC is that some girls were called bad names at school.  Lions and tiger and bears... Oh My!!!
  

Good things about this video:

• I don't have children.
  

For the parts of the song you can't understand, lyrics are listed here.

Tickets and Pharmacy Remarks

I'm trying something a little bit different today by bringing you a blog post in high quality video.  I assumed that since everyone was so awestruck by my appearance on News 2 last week, you would enjoy seeing more video footage of your favorite blogger.  Enjoy!

News 2

I was interviewed leaving work Saturday night by the reported from News 2.  It was my first television appearance.  Click here to see the video and let me know what you think.

Speech Evaluation: Part 2

As you noticed in my earlier post, I am really in the mood for analyzing speeches given by our fearless leader.  In this one, I will actually pull out specific comments and explore the context and true meanings of such statements.

After requiring oral promethazine to get through the speech on Tuesday, I elected not to view the live broadcast of this one in order to avoid hospitalization.  Instead, I simply read the text after the fact.  (It also prevents me from being lulled in by Obama's legendary oratory skills.)

We'll start with a comment from the introduction.  Before he even began to mention health care, he was busy patting himself on the back about the economy.

I can stand here with confidence and say that we have pulled this economy back from the brink.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the unemployment rate just jumped again and is now a staggering 9.7%.  Don't bother trying to correct me.  I'm never wrong.

Obama continues...

We are the only advanced democracy on Earth - the only wealthy nation - that allows such hardships for millions of its people ... In just a two year period, one in every three Americans goes without health care coverage at some point.

The irony here is that Betty Clair and I would fit in this category because "at some point" after graduation, we went without health insurance.  But, guess what?  We chose to not have insurance.  Oh, the humanity!

More and more Americans worry that if you move, lose your job, or change your job, you'll lose your health insurance...

So, if I were to leave CVS and go work for Walgreens or Rite Aid, it would be reasonable for me to expect CVS to pay for my our medical coverage.  This would rank high on a list of "Most Asinine Comments ever Made" for most people, but it's really just another routine claim for BO.

Our health care system is placing an unsustainable burden on taxpayers.

Edited out after this sentence was, "but we are so arrogant that we feel it is the duty of taxpayers to pay for a child's Adderall so that his unwed mother of seven doesn't have to bother with raising him."  Okay, I can't verify that one for sure, but it really does go along with his ideology.

...if you are among the hundreds of millions of Americans who already have health insurance through your job, Medicare, Medicaid, or the VA, nothing in this plan will require you or your employer to change the coverage or the doctor you have.

But, don't you think there will be lots of employers who will view this as an easy way to dump some expenses by dropping medical benefits for their employees?  It would almost be absurd not to do so.  Since they will ultimately be funding this plan anyway, regardless of what the president says, why not escape some costs and actually still cover your employees in a more indirect way?

...it will be against the law for insurance companies to deny you coverage because of a pre-existing condition.

So, go ahead and become a fattie, a drunk, or a dope head, because if being unattractive and nasty isn't enough incentive to keep you from ruining your body, now you don't even have to worry about increased costs of health care!  Hooray for Rosie O'Donnell!

For those individuals and small businesses who still can not afford the lower-priced insurance available in the exchange, we will provide tax credits, the size of which will be based on your need.

This segment of Obama's health care proposal is based on the teachings of one of his role models who once said, "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs."  Okay, okay, I'll give you a second to let it sink in that Obama does not actually already know everything in the world, but has acquired a few ideas from others over the years.

Improving our health care system only works if everybody does their part.

Again, this is based on the teachings of Karl Marx.  See the trend:  If you have the ability to pay more taxes, more will be taken from you.  If you take care of yourself and require less coverage, less will be given to you.  What an incentive!

Regarding the honesty of insurance companies being kept in check, Obama said it will be done

the same way public colleges and universities provide additional choice and competition to students without in any way inhibiting a vibrant system of private colleges and universities.

I still think this was just his attempt at sarcasm.  In fact, he doesn't even believe this as it pertains to his own life.  If he really felt this were true, then why did President Obama go to Columbia University and Harvard Law School instead of utilizing the wonderful public colleges and universities?  There's an example to ponder.

I'll finish now with one more statement from the president since I've probably rambled on far too long, anyway.  Toward the end of the speech, the  president said,

One of the unique and wonderful things about America has always been our self-reliance, our rugged individualism, our fierce defense of freedom, and our healthy skepticism of government.

Hold up!  Doesn't this go against everything he believes in and is trying to incorporate with his health care agenda?  Self-reliance?  That aspect is seen nowhere in this plan since everyone would be entirely reliant on the government.  Rugged individualism?  Then why will every patient be treated exactly the same way according to government regulated treatment protocols?  Defense of freedom?  There would not be any freedom to choose your level of coverage.  There would only exist denials of freedom.  Skepticism of government?  Well, he is actually right on with that one.  In fact, it may be the only factual statement in the entire address.  Most people these days are pretty skeptical of our government, and the reasons for their skepticism are legitimate and justified.

Sorry for making that such a long post.  There was just a lot of crap (literally) to discuss on this one.  If you're reading this, you're probably the only person beside my mom who made it this far.  Congratulations!

Speech Evaluation: Part 1

According to what I read on Hot Air earlier today, Obama recently finished giving speech number 263 after being in office for only 231 days.  Ironically, these appearances used to boost his ratings, but nowadays they seem to be having the opposite effect.  Now, let's consider the presentation he gave to the nation's students earlier this week.

Although it caused me a great deal of abdominal discomfort, I actually did tune in to view the "School Speech" that was given on Tuesday.  However, the highly anticipated address actually turned out to be rather bland and boring.  Just some more of, "Do your homework," "Study hard," blah, blah, blah.  

For the most part, this was basically just another example of the president using our tax dollars to aggrandize himself and score some political points.  He actually used the word "I" a total of 56 times in a speech that lasted only about 15 minutes.  This means he referred to himself approximately every 16 seconds.  But, who's counting?

Furthermore, did anyone else realize that he used Michael Jordan as an example for "not giving up," while simultaneously telling the kids to stop dreaming about being professional athletes?  Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.

The presentation, which originally included a lesson plan requiring students to compose an essay explaining what they can do to help Obama spread socialism, actually just turned out to be another boring opportunity for teenagers to hear, "Stay in school and work hard."  Isn't this really just something their teachers should be telling them every day instead of wasting thousands and thousands of our tax dollars to cover security, transportation, and nourishment for all the personnel necessary for such an event?

The more remarkable news of this occasion is that a bunch of regular citizens were eventually able to change the subjects of his oration and prevent the infamous "lesson plan" from being implemented.  However, the audacity displayed by the White House for proposing the lesson plan in the first place is quite telling.  Is that really listed as a role of the federal government somewhere, or am I just confused?

My Rating:  3/10

The message was somewhat encouraging and mostly non-political, but still very self-serving a huge waste of resources that could have just been left in my checking account.

Evaluation of Health Care Speech to come later today...

In Good Company

Considering all the ceremony fostered with the passing of Senator Ted Kennedy, I felt obliged to assemble a short list of other men and women with similar qualities and backgrounds whose passing should also justify such grandeur when they depart from this world.

• O. J. Simpson
  
• Mumia Abu-Jamal
  
• Donte Stallworth
  
• Robert Blake
  
• Ray Lewis
  
• Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi
  

If you're still trying to figure out what particular quality these people share, it is that everyone of them has, or might as well have, gone through life unpunished for causing or assisting in the murder of another human being.  Senator Kennedy's name fits in quite well the list of murderers.  What a legacy!

Baseball, Niagara Falls, Etc.

I guess I will try to rekindle my efforts of keeping this blog going by telling you about our most recent vacation.

Last week, we decided to take a road trip to see one of The Seven Forgotten Natural Wonders of the World, Niagara Falls.  According to MapQuest, the trip would require about 12 hours in the car just to get there, so we thought it would be best to break the trip up a bit and enjoy some other activities along the way.

Since our planned route went through some larger cities in Ohio, we decided to make stops in Cincinnati and Cleveland to catch a couple of baseball games on the way. We spent our first night in Cincinnati and watched the Reds get pounded by the Nationals.  Our hotel was close enough to the stadium (2 miles) that we took advantage of the proximity and walked through town to get to the stadium.  We also walked most of the way to Cock and Bull English Pub to eat supper and even got a "War Eagle" along the way... nearly brought a tear to my eye.  

The next morning we attempted to make it all the way to Niagara Falls, New York in order to see the falls before sunset.  Unbeknownst to us, the Maxima didn't have the same travel plans.  After stopping just a few minutes outside of Cincinnati to get gas, the starter went out in the car.  Luckily, we broke down at a gas station next to a PepBoys, which I would assume is one of very few places employing fairly legitimate mechanics that is open on a Sunday.  The PepBoys was only next door, but you had to move the car uphill to get it there.  My attempt to push it up the hill was unsuccessful, so we used our newest toy, a Garmin nuvi 1300, to help us find a tow truck to pull it there.

Break:  I hear Ann Coulter's voice on the television in the living room.  Be right back!

On with the story... 

With more good fortune, the tow truck driver was on his way to move another automobile and said he would be passing our location on the way.  Since it was convenient, he said he would move it for $20 as long as I wouldn't tell his boss, but I let him keep a nice tip for helping us out so much.  PepBoys was able to put us on the list and we were able to get away far cheaper, but not quicker, than I had hoped.

We did finally make it to the Elizabeth House just before 10:00 that night where our hosts informed us that we could take a short walk down the street to make it just in time to see fireworks over the waterfall.  Since we skipped supper in order to make better time, we then dined at the Hard Rock Cafe since it was the only place open that late at night.

The next morning, we were finally able to witness the true beauty that is Niagara Falls.  Regardless of our location at the park, the scenery was continuously breathtaking.  We even got the chance to take the Cave of Winds Tour, which allowed us to view the falls from the bottom up.  If you ever go to Niagara, this is one attraction you should not pass up.

After our morning at the falls, we drove back down to Erie, Pennsylvania and stayed at theGeorge Carroll House.  (Can you tell we've become fans of the Bed and Breakfast option?)  We spent the next morning at Presque Isle State Park where you have an impressive view of Lake Erie.  It was really hard for me to comprehend the fact that this body of water was merely a lake and not an entire ocean.  The waves crashing on the shore were actually larger than the ones I saw at Gulf Shores back in June.

When the rain began to come down on us at Presque Isle, we decided to pack our belongings and make the next part of our drive down to Cleveland.  We arrived earlier than we had planned, so we spent a couple of hours touring downtown.  I would have loved to have been able to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but we didn't have quite enough time for it before the Indians game.  The game at Progressive Field also proved to be much more entertaining than the blowout at Great American Ball Park a few days earlier.  I also found it extremely impressive to see just how hard Vladimir Guerrero can hit a baseball.

The game in Cleveland was almost the final part of our trip.  On our drive back to Nashville on Wednesday morning, we made a short detour to Covington, Kentucky to locate the childhood homes of my maternal grandparents.  It was rather fascinating to see these houses, and I took several pictures to pass on to them since my mother informed me that they hadn't seen them in a while.  (The Garmin really displayed its worth with this mission.)

I also must mention that I added New York and Pennsylvania to my collection of "State Rocks."

Now, I'll leave you with some pictures from our excursion.  Enjoy!

 

Great American Ball Park

Holding my "New York Rock" I pulled out of the Niagara River

A rainbow... Duh

View from the Observation Tower

View from the Cave of Winds Tour

Betty Clair on the Cave of Winds Tour

Presque Isle/Lake Erie

Progressive Field

Mama Lue's Childhood Home

Papa Bene's Childhood Home

Cap & Trade

In case you missed it, what will easily be one of the most obtrusive and damaging bills in American history is making its way through Congress right now.  Commonly referred to as "Cap and Trade," this new program being proposed is a way to help limit carbon emissions by certain businesses in order to halt the harmful effects of global warming.  Examples of such harmful effects would include longer growing seasons and water skiing in October.

First of all, you have to accept the premise that global warming is actually real to even begin to think this is a good idea.  The way I see things, it would be like spending billions, no trillions, of dollars on equipment and traps to capture either unicorns or Bigfoot.  Since there is scant to no evidence at all supporting the existence of these two creatures, the science is about as solid as that boasting proof of global warming.

Secondly, there is this bogus claim from the president that this program will "create or save" more jobs than we will even know what to do with.  Unfortunately, data from every other source that researches this type of stuff (other than the White House) claims just the opposite.  Check out what The Heritage Foundation and The Wall Street Journal have to say.

I'm also still trying to figure out exactly how one measures a "saved" job, though.  I suppose if CVS is able to "save" may pharmacist position, all my gratitude should be directed toward the president and his global warming agenda since I didn't receive a pink slip that says "Polluted Too Much."

You would also think that since we are in "the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression," the last thing our fearless leaders would want to do is raise energy costs.  But, noooo.  Apparently, for the 9.4% of Americans who are unemployed, a sharp rise in their power bill or a tank of gas is a good thing.  They must be stupid not to see this!

Silly Americans.....

Michael Jackson

Express an opinion about the man by leaving a comment

or voting in the poll to the right.  I'm just curious what

others think... good, bad, or neutral.

The Organic Movement

Can someone please explain to me the whole appeal of the "Organic Movement?"  Is this trend really supposed to be a good thing?  I've been looking for some solid ideas supporting this movement for a while, but I still remain empty-handed.

Recently, I've seen everything from organic cleaning products to organic t-shirts.  Unfortunately, I can't find any proof that these things have any more to offer than "normal" products.

The typical defense of organic goods goes something like, "It is better for the environment since we aren't adding harmful chemicals to anything."  Seriously?  According to this argument, people also must have been much healthier 100 years ago when being "organic" was the only option.  Evidence supporting this idea is that the average life span back then was in the range of a whole 40 years... wait a minute... that doesn't make sense.

I'm also pretty sure that if you went to any third world county and offered the farmers nitrogen-based fertilizers instead of the manure they currently use, your gift would be welcomed with open arms and a smile.  First of all, it is proven to be more effective at yielding healthy crops.  Secondly, they wouldn't be relegated to frolicking in feces all day.  What's funny is that some folks here in America actually play with poop by choice... and all for the sake of labeling themselves "organic."  How noble!

From my own experience, I've seen no proof that organic food is any more appealing than its counterpart.  For example, Betty Clair and I have been eating a lot of strawberries lately.  The Kroger we frequent offers both organically grown and chemically-assisted strawberries.  When deciding between the half-size, half-rotten organic fruits or the plump, juicy, chemical-injected berries, the task of making a wise decision isn't really that difficult.

Furthermore, why are we teaching children that "going organic" is the most efficient and economically sound way to produce agriculture?  We might as well be instructing them that they can fly if they just flap their arms fast enough.  Surprisingly enough, this inane idea is also sponsored by the ironically omniscient Obama administration.

Just earlier this year, the ever-fashionable Michelle Obama assumed a personal role in planting an organic garden at the White House with local elementary school children to indoctrinate them of the benefits of organic gardening.  (Can't you tell how much she knows about farming by examining her wardrobe

selection for the event?  Designer boots sure do come in handy when wielding a rake.)  I would actually be offended if my child was being taught farming methods that produced inferior produce at a slower rate.  Wouldn't their time be better utilized if they were sitting in a classroom being taught chemistry and the benefits it has offered to agriculture?  Honestly, I believe getting rid of boll weevils and other pests is a more remarkable achievement than planting tomatoes and nurturing it with banana peels.  I suppose they are using children in this experiment since they are still naive enough to fall for the idea.

On a lighter note:  Betty Clair and I went to a Sounds game (minor league baseball) while her parents were visiting last weekend.  Before leaving the house, she informed me that she didn't like what I was wearing and suggested I wear a green shirt instead of the blue one I had put on already.  I found this a bit puzzling, but I decided to succumb to her request for the sake of maintaining peace in the family.  However, I became aware of her reasoning for requesting my clothing change after arriving at the game and discovering that the promotion for the night was "Going Green."  Betty Clair had full knowledge of this beforehand, and her only intention was to make me look like a silly, liberal hippie.  Shame on her!  Her mother was also in on the scheme.  So, shame on Mrs. Barton!

Another Survey

I have posted a new poll on the blog today.  Leave a comment on why you voted the way you did.  (Maybe this poll makes me even lamer, but I do actually watch the show a lot).

In case you didn't notice, I really proved Betty Clair wrong with the results of the previous poll.  Nobody knows who Steve Madden is.  My wife is so silly.

Ann's Take and My Plans for Next Week

I had planned on discussing Obama's visit to Notre Dame a little bit, but the whole spectacle was a bit too nauseating for me really think about.  Originally, I was under the impression that he was going to South Bend to give a commencement address.  However, he seemed to be far too busy talking about his favorite subject, himself, to take the time to give any wise words to the graduates.  This is a shame because they would probably have been the wisest words ever spoken by any man.

Fortunately, Miss Coulter decided to mention the Great One's trip in her column this week.  I recommend that you take the time to read it.  She is so cool!

I'm also heading down to Grand Bay tomorrow morning to hang out with the Hatcher clan while my bride is touring Italy with her sisters.  I know my trip to Alabama seems to pale in comparison to hers, but I can assure that my time will be far more enjoyable because I will get to hang out with the greatest dog to ever exist... Leroy!

FYI:  I may blog and I may not while I'm away.  It all depends on whether my mom will let me commandeer her computer in order to share my thoughts.  In my younger years, the only opinion allowed to be expressed at home was that of my mother, so it will not be surprising if that rule is still enforced and I have to sit in the corner for an entire week.  Mama B looks sweet, huh?  So deceiving... 

I'm going to get in trouble for this.

One Year of Marital Bliss

Has it already been a year?  

Time sure flies...

In celebration of our first anniversary, Betty Clair and I spent the weekend at The Doolin House Inn, a cozy little bed and breakfast located in the town of Somerset, Kentucky.  Betty Clair was left uninformed of our sleeping accommodations since I have been reminded on many occasions of how much she loves "surprises."  To my pleasure, she was very satisfied with the reservations I had made (all on my own, too).

After checking into our room, the Man O' War, we took a quick stroll downtown to check out the sights.  Being the dorks that we are, would you ever guess that one of the most fascinating things we saw on our walk was an independent pharmacy with a soda fountain?  Hard to believe, huh?

The next morning, after filling our bellies with the delicious breakfast sandwiches prepared by Doolin House chefs/owners Allison and Chuck Soebick, we set out for our "play" portion of the trip.  Betty Clair was also left unaware of what I had planned for Saturday so that I could pull off another "surprise."  I was on a roll!  She was not disappointed, however, when we took the short drive down to Cumberland Falls State Park to see the majestic waterfall known as the "Niagara of the South."  We were able to do several miles of hiking and see some other falls in the park, as well.

That night, we also had the good fortune of discovering that the town of Somerset also boasts a working drive-in movie theater, 27 Drive-In.  Since this was something neither of us had ever experienced before, we decided to make a date out of it.  We saw the new X-Men movie, which was not as good as I had hoped, but made better because we had the opportunity to watch it the old-fashioned way.  Here's a picture from their website of the back screen (they have two) where we watched our movie.

Our breakfast this morning was a type of bread pudding dish that was also quite wonderful.  I'm not sure how it is made, but I definitely wouldn't mind eating it again soon.  We checked out around 10:30 and made our way back to Nashville.

After coming home, we went down to Sears for what has undeniably been the most exciting part of the entire weekend.  We went there so I could get Betty Clair's anniversary present.  It is something she's been desiring for nearly a year now. It's something every other woman truly yearns for, also.  Click here to see what the amazing gift she received today!

The Maddens

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Describing the Obama Voter

Okay, I'm aware this has the potential to come across a bit rude or harsh, but I don't really care about your feelings today.  Here's what I think...

I firmly believe that if you voted for Barack Obama in Novemeber, you fit into one of the following categories: 

1. The Foolishly Naive:  You fit into this group if you think the liberal, progressive policies being implemented by the Obama administration are actually good for America.  Most likely, you sincerely have good intentions and feel it is the duty of those who are able to help others in need.  You consider yourself a strong proponent of equality, fairness, and other feel- goody words.  You probably believe in global warming and feel that shutting down factories and decreasing driving time will help save the planet, but you fail to realize that those factories just move overseas and pollute to a greater extent.  You also probably are under the assumption that many groups are discriminated against without realizing that all men actually do have the same right to marry any woman of their choosing, even if she is black, white, green, or polka-dotted.
2. The Stupid and/or Ignorant:  You fit into this category if you voted for Obama for any specific reason such as, a) he is black, b) he has hope, c) he is change, d) he is not named Bush, etc.  You are stupid and/or ignorant because you probably did not even pay the least bit of attention to any of his ideas and policies and continue to remain ignorant of what he is doing now that he's actually in office.  You may have even voted for Obama because "his voice is so pretty," which ironically may actually be the most redeemable quality he has.  There is an additional subgroup to this category which I've dubbed "The Trendy Voter."  This group is considered stupid and/or ignorant because they too did not have any valid reason to vote for Obama.  They are most likely 18-30 year-olds (or sixty-year sophomores) who felt like voting for ol' Barry is what all the smart, cool, and good-looking people are doing, so they should probably jump on board.
   
3. The Selfish and Evil:  This group consists of the voters who were fully aware of the devastation an Obama presidency would bring to our country, but decided to vote for him with nothing less than purely selfish or evil motives.  This is probably the smallest group but consists of many labor union members, Hollywood actors, domestic terrorists, racist reverends, and  employees of Planned Parenthood.  The selfish motives producing votes from the United Auto Workers Union have already proved beneficial, so it appears these votes have not been cast in vain.  Unfortunately, this result will probably also hold true for the terrorists and abortion providers, as the new administration will do everything in their power to support their causes, too.
   

If you voted for Obama and don't feel like you fit into any of these categories, please leave a comment and explain your reasons for voting the way you did.

If you did not vote for Obama, please leave a comment and let me know which category you think most of his supporters best fit in with.  If you feel an additional category is needed to describe his followers, let me know about that, also.

Swine Flu Poll

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The Big Race

Guest Blogger:  Betty Clair Hatcher

Today, I'm writing on Ross's blog to tell you about my experience in running my first ever half-marathon!

I decided back in November that I wanted to train for the Country Music Half-Marathon held here in Nashville.  The half-marathon is a 13.1 mile race.  I'm not a runner, or even the slightest bit athletic, so I knew this would be a huge challenge.  This kind of difficult task was exactly what a thrill-seeking, uncoordinated person like myself was looking for.

Running is more of a mental challenge than anything, and for people who aren't athletic, a mental challenge is a more realistic goal.  Everyone knows how to run.  There is no thought or skill involved and really no way to mess it up.  Plus, I wanted to find out what it is like to get high... a runner's high, that is!

After months of training through blood, sweat, and tears, I was finally ready for my big day.  The greatest distance I had run in my training was 10 miles.  According to the training guide I was following, this was sufficient training to run 13.1 miles during the race.

I began to get very anxious when I discovered how many people would be running this race.  Over 35,000 people had signed up for the marathon and half-marathon combined!

On race day, all my anxiety disappeared and was replaced by pure excitement.  I got up at 4:45 a.m. to make it to Centennial Park (the starting point of the race) by 6:00 a.m.  I am a fortunate woman because my husband got up with me and cooked me breakfast, gave me flowers with a "Good Luck" balloon, and drove me to Centennial Park.

Now, I'll walk you through the race... left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, etc.  Sounds like fun, huh?

Actually, the race itself was very exciting!  It was very difficult, but being surrounded by so many other people made running that far seem much easier.  My running partner, Manda, was also very encouraging during the race.  I got a little tired around mile 7, but fortunately she was there to keep my spirits up and keep going.  I was able to return the favor toward the end of the race when she needed some extra motivation.

Just before the 13 mile mark, I saw Ross standing on the side of the road waiting to see my run by.  Since I run so fast, he didn't get a chance to take a picture of me then.  However, he did hurry to the next corner to wait on me again and got some neat video of us running.

I finished the race soon after that with a time of 2:42:55.  I was very pleased with my time since my goal was to finish under 3 hours.

I really enjoyed getting to prepare and participate in a half-marathon.  It was very rewarding to set a goal and see it accomplished.  I have my sights set a little bit higher for next year's race, though.  I am going to try to run the full marathon!

Here are some pictures and video from the race for you to enjoy!

"Carb-Loading" the Night Before the Race

Eating My Race Day Breakfast

The Finish Line

My Medal

Me Displaying Proper Running Technique

Manda Doing the Same

Me, Manda, and Sarah After the Race

How to Celebrate Earth Day

Today is Earth Day!

Wikipedia describes this event as "a day designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the Earth's environment."  This is a very noble task, indeed.  Therefore, I have come up with several ways to celebrate this "holiday" that will help keep the planet clean and healthy.

Here they are:

Water-Saving Tips

1.  Do not bathe.  This is a method utilized by many global warming activists to help reduce

water waste.  Reportedly, many of these activists have been continuously using this strategy for decades.

2.  Do not flush your toilet.  Like the previous method, this too will help reduce water waste.  No matter what you or your family "deposits" there today, please refrain from flushing.  Betty Clair and I have managed to save a total of 9.6 gallons of water already today!

3.  Do not wash your clothes.  Janeane Garofalo is the celebrity role model of this method as she has been wearing unwashed clothing since 1998.  Doesn't she look honorable?

Tree-Saving Tips

1.  Do not spend money.  Since the destructions of trees is inevitable in the printing of dollar bills, spending money should be avoided at all costs to show your personal horror with the act of tree harvesting.  This would particularly be a valuable method for President Obama and Congress to exercise.

2.  Use NO products made from trees.  This includes any furniture made from wood and all forms of paper.  Yes, I even mean toilet paper.  You should not indulge in the luxury of wiping your butt on this very important day.

Emission-Reducing Tips

1.  Walk to work.  I realize your place of employment may be 40 miles away, but utilizing man's great invention of the automobile on a day this important would be nearly as evil as killing small puppies.

2.  Use no electricity at all.  This means everywhere.  If a place of business feels it necessary to leave their lights on during operating hours, you should boycott them.  Who says you can't sell groceries or other goods in complete darkness?  Do you really need to know if that tomato is fresh?  Even if you are a diabetic with insulin requiring refrigeration, you are out of luck.  You must sacrifice your own health needs for the needs of dear Mother Earth.  Can't you hear her crying while you selfishly try to keep your medicine cold with that massive cooling device of yours?

3.  Walk around nude.  Since your garments were most likely produced in a carbon-emitting factory, you should display your contempt for this awful practice by not clothing yourself.  Offensive?  It doesn't matter; Mother Earth is dying.

4.  Do not fart.  Abstain from releasing your self-made greenhouse gases.  Whatever it takes, hold it in.  We can't stop the cows from doing it, but you can stop yourself!

Nashville Tea Party - Round 2

Yesterday, I attended the Tax Day Tea Party here in our beautiful city of Nashville.  I knew the turnout would be much greater than the first event, but the actual attendance exceeded what I had expected.  Official estimates from police reports put the number of good Americans there around 10,000!  Of course, our liberal local newspaper reported it at only 3,000, though.  Surprised?

You should already know what this is all about (at least from reading my last post about it), so I won't explain the purpose of these events again.  I will just say that it appears to be getting pretty big.  Hopefully, it is leading to more things that our out-of-touch Congress and President might take notice of eventually.  Click the previous link to see for yourself.  I really have a lot of trouble believing the whole "smartest president ever" thing when he's not even aware of millions of Americans protesting his most prized legislation.  Even George W., the "dumbest president ever," was aware of it when just one stupid woman was hanging out on his ranch all the time.

I also can't help but appreciate the way CNN covers the tea parties.  Fair and Balanced!

Here are a few pictures I took from the tea party...

Before it all started

The people behind me stretched all the way back to the street.

I think Marsha Blackburn was speaking here.  She is cool like Sarah Palin.

I am Obama's Priority

There really is a lot going on in the world right now.

There are Muslim Somali pirates attacking shipping vessels and holding American citizens hostage, North Korea is restarting their nuclear programs, and a murderer is being convicted while donning a "Barack Obama Rocks" pin.

However, our leaders don't seem to be too concerned with addressing such trivial issues.  They have much more important things to worry about.

Instead, the Department of Homeland Security has issued an assessment in order to effectively deal with the apparent rise in Right Wing Extremism that is posing a threat to our country.  I guess that makes me... a terrorist?

Check out some of their findings in the official government document:

The DHS/Office of Intelligence and Analysis (I&A) has no specific information that domestic rightwing terrorists are currently planning acts of violence...

... but they still found it necessary to use government funding to research this issue.  You can't help but appreciate government work, huh?  Furthermore...

Proposed imposition of firearms restrictions and weapons bans likely would attract new members into the ranks of rightwing extremist groups...

Since I purchased a gun in anticipation of these proposed (i.e. inevitable) impositions from the Obama administration, I guess I fit into this category.  Crazy gun owners... I mean, terrorists!  Additionally...

DHS/I&A is concerned that rightwing extremists will attempt to recruit and radicalize returning veterans in order to boost their violent capabilities.

I'm so glad they love and respect our soldiers.  Read on...

Rightwing extremist paranoia of foreign regimes could escalate or be magnified in the event of an economic crisis or military confrontation, harkening back to the "New World Order" conspiracy theories of the 1990s.

Wait a minute, isn't a "New World Order" what British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said was emerging just a few days ago?  But, noooo, you're a terrorist threat if you're worried about our leaders becoming too chummy with Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong Il!  Even more...

Rightwing extremist chatter on the Internet continues to focus on the economy, the perceived loss of U.S. jobs in manufacturing and construction sectors, and home foreclosures.

I suppose my right wing internet chatter on this little ol' blog puts me in the category of those posing a direct threat to our country's welfare, also.  I'm afraid the FBI may break down my door any minute now and confiscate my keyboard.  I should type quickly.

Moreover, I'm not so sure the "loss of U.S. jobs" they mention here is only "perceived."  According to their own reports, it is actually taking place.  Obviously, they're not too bright, thought, since they can't even figure out that "right wing" is two words, not one.

Could you even begin to imagine the outrage from the mainstream media if Bush's administration had put out a document discussing the dangers of liberal extremism?  Ironically, liberal extremism actually does pose a considerable threat in the form of radical environmentalists, NOW, PETA, and Rosie O'Donnell.  (Yes, she may eventually consume the entire world's food supply).

Regardless of all these threats that Obama and his boys see looming, they can not point out a specific example of any planning of such activities in the entire document.  However, they could very well be passively referring to the tea parties being held all across the country tomorrow.  It would make a whole lot of sense considering the timing of this document's release.  But, I'm sure they're not really scared of a few groups of overtaxed citizens holding signs somewhere, are they?

Go to a Tea Party tomorrow if you love your freedom!  Locations are listed here.

Special Treatment

How do you measure the carbon footprint of a pizza?

I'm not really sure what the answer is to that question.  But, when you fly two chefs and all the ingredients nearly 2,000 miles round-trip to cook it, I'm sure it's fairly respectable.

Why would anyone need to do such a thing, you ask.  Well, I honestly can't answer that question, either.  (Hard to believe since I know everything, huh?)

The only response I can possibly put together is that this person is simply a spoiled elitist whose feeling of self-worth is so extraordinary that he can't see the absurdity of this action.  This person would also have to have very little concern for environmental matters since a jet being flown simply to prepare pizzas would emit a lot of atmospheric pollution.  He would also have to be way out of touch with the "common man" since no regular middle-class family could ever afford such a luxury.

Want to guess who it is?  It shouldn't be hard.  Probably the CEO of General Motors, AIG, or other greedy corporation, huh?

Wrong!

This was done by our very considerate and compassionate leader, President Barack Obama. Apparently, he feels that his Thursday lunch is so important that such a request is justifiable.  Oh, the pomposity is nauseating!

Furthermore, Pi Restaurant (the preparer of the meal) displays their complete ignorance of this move on their website by boasting about how "green" they are because of their "significant carbon-offset purchases."  Again, just how many carbon-offsets does one have to purchase if cooking 20 pizzas requires flying halfway across the country?

I'm so confused.

Side Note:  In case you were unaware, I was victorious in the NCAA Basketball Tournament Challenge.  Was there ever any doubt I would win, though?

I am currently alone in third place in the Masters Best Ball Challenge, with Neely in the lead.  It's not over yet, though.  I'm coming back.

Grand Canyon Trip '09

Here are some pictures from our trip this week to the Grand Canyon with Trey and Laura Beth.  As you can probably tell, they weren't all taken at the Grand Canyon.  

We actually flew into Las Vegas on Sunday and spent the night there before driving to the Canyon the following morning.  We made a quick stop at the Hoover Dam on the way, too.  Sound familiar, Brad?

We arrived at the park that afternoon and took in some of the scenery at the designated viewing areas.  On Tuesday, we woke up early enough to see the sunrise and stayed all day to eventually see it set, which was definitely one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed.

After watching the sun come up and eating breakfast, we went on a hike that took us about two miles down the canyon, which didn't even begin to approach making it all the way down to the river.  It did, however, provide some pretty impressive surroundings.

Enjoy!

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