Wikipedia describes this event as "a day designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the Earth's environment." This is a very noble task, indeed. Therefore, I have come up with several ways to celebrate this "holiday" that will help keep the planet clean and healthy.
Here they are:
Water-Saving Tips
1. Do not bathe. This is a method utilized by many global warming activists to help reduce
water waste. Reportedly, many of these activists have been continuously using this strategy for decades.2. Do not flush your toilet. Like the previous method, this too will help reduce water waste. No matter what you or your family "deposits" there today, please refrain from flushing. Betty Clair and I have managed to save a total of 9.6 gallons of water already today!
3. Do not wash your clothes. Janeane Garofalo is the celebrity role model of this method as she has been wearing unwashed clothing since 1998. Doesn't she look honorable?
Tree-Saving Tips
1. Do not spend money. Since the destructions of trees is inevitable in the printing of dollar bills, spending money should be avoided at all costs to show your personal horror with the act of tree harvesting. This would particularly be a valuable method for President Obama and Congress to exercise.
2. Use NO products made from trees. This includes any furniture made from wood and all forms of paper. Yes, I even mean toilet paper. You should not indulge in the luxury of wiping your butt on this very important day.
Emission-Reducing Tips
1. Walk to work. I realize your place of employment may be 40 miles away, but utilizing man's great invention of the automobile on a day this important would be nearly as evil as killing small puppies.
2. Use no electricity at all. This means everywhere. If a place of business feels it necessary to leave their lights on during operating hours, you should boycott them. Who says you can't sell groceries or other goods in complete darkness? Do you really need to know if that tomato is fresh? Even if you are a diabetic with insulin requiring refrigeration, you are out of luck. You must sacrifice your own health needs for the needs of dear Mother Earth. Can't you hear her crying while you selfishly try to keep your medicine cold with that massive cooling device of yours?
3. Walk around nude. Since your garments were most likely produced in a carbon-emitting factory, you should display your contempt for this awful practice by not clothing yourself. Offensive? It doesn't matter; Mother Earth is dying.
4. Do not fart. Abstain from releasing your self-made greenhouse gases. Whatever it takes, hold it in. We can't stop the cows from doing it, but you can stop yourself!
3 comments:
Also, no Internet. Global warming activists often cite the carbon footprint of large datacenters and server farms...most notably Google. And since Google owns YouTube, AOL, and provides services for a very large number of other sites (Facebook, MySpace, and yes, even Blogspot), I would suggest avoiding those too.
Just cracks me up that the people who moan about global warming the most (not you, I'm referring to these 'activists'), are the same ones that refuse to give up their luxuries such as Facebook or YouTube because being stylish and hip is cool until you can't stream videos or look at pictures of your stupid friends.
Anyway, that's my two cents on Earth Day.
- Levi W.
and how many of these did you try? :)
You don't really want to know!
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