Things to Come

Some things I'm still looking forward to in the future:

1. The 1960's Ford Mustang I'll restore.

Ever since the day my dad sold his 1964 1/2 Mustang when I was 15, I've longed to sit behind the wheel of my very own. To be honest, I've already spent several hours researching this one and comparing prices of cars that are in desperate need of my TLC. Things look quite promising. Come to think of it, I still know where my dad's old car sits to this day. Hmm.....

2. Taking care of my lawn when I leave apartment life

Unfortunately, I have just learned that this one will mean that I may inadvertently and drastically increase my carbon footprint. Oh, the shame! According to a study for the University of California Irvine, my future lawn-of-the-month may help store carbon dioxide in its perfectly manicured blades of centipede, but this benefit is far offset by the carbon my mower, weed-eater, edger, and leaf blower will release.

Actually, this quandary will not deter me one bit in my efforts to produce a yard that you will drool over one day. Years spent under the tutorage of the great lawnman Lee Fore have predisposed me to this unique interest and given me the skills necessary to maintain a meticulously manicured turf.

3. Breaking 80

This one will be tough, especially considering that I am attempting this task without moving my ball like Ryan does. Fortunately, I have the benefit of a gift certificate for a lesson that my wife gifted me earlier this year. Maybe the tips I will learn when I use it in the Spring and a rekindled devotion proportional to the temperature will help me complete this one some time next year. A new set of irons wouldn't hurt, either.

4. The Return of Leroy

For those of you unaware who Leroy is, I really feel incredibly sorry for you. Leroy was and still is the greatest canine to ever walk (or run) on this planet. He was a puppy who came to live with me during my time in Auburn, but ultimately proved too energetic and destructive for my 14 x 52 trailer. Therefore, he now resides with his grandparents in Grand Bay and longs for his original master every day. Since living in a 2-bedroom apartment and working 15-hour shifts doesn't bode well with his temperament, he will regrettably remain at his current residence until I can procure sufficient living accommodations for him. Isn't that just sad?

I bet you thought I'd get political again with that title, huh? Sorry to disappoint.

"Wood Grain with the Leather Seats...

...windows so dark you need a flashlight to see me."

After all these years, Betty Clair finally has a car that can be described in a rap song!  Yesterday afternoon, we went down to BMW of Nashville to look at cars and left that evening with a 2006 BMW 330i.  

(I'll give you a minute to let it sink in that Ross Hatcher let his wife get a car carrying a price tag with more than three numbers.  I know... it's shocking.)

However, after getting married last May, I completely abandoned my cheap, tightwad ways and adopted a new motto to keep my wonderful wife happy.  That motto (which I borrowed from a Vince Vaughn movie) is very simple and goes as follows:

What my baby wants, my baby gets.  

Betty Clair doesn't really believe I follow this protocol very well, but her new automobile proves otherwise.  I am so good to my wife in so many ways!

Check out the pictures of the new Beemer!

Baseball, Niagara Falls, Etc.

I guess I will try to rekindle my efforts of keeping this blog going by telling you about our most recent vacation.

Last week, we decided to take a road trip to see one of The Seven Forgotten Natural Wonders of the World, Niagara Falls.  According to MapQuest, the trip would require about 12 hours in the car just to get there, so we thought it would be best to break the trip up a bit and enjoy some other activities along the way.

Since our planned route went through some larger cities in Ohio, we decided to make stops in Cincinnati and Cleveland to catch a couple of baseball games on the way. We spent our first night in Cincinnati and watched the Reds get pounded by the Nationals.  Our hotel was close enough to the stadium (2 miles) that we took advantage of the proximity and walked through town to get to the stadium.  We also walked most of the way to Cock and Bull English Pub to eat supper and even got a "War Eagle" along the way... nearly brought a tear to my eye.  

The next morning we attempted to make it all the way to Niagara Falls, New York in order to see the falls before sunset.  Unbeknownst to us, the Maxima didn't have the same travel plans.  After stopping just a few minutes outside of Cincinnati to get gas, the starter went out in the car.  Luckily, we broke down at a gas station next to a PepBoys, which I would assume is one of very few places employing fairly legitimate mechanics that is open on a Sunday.  The PepBoys was only next door, but you had to move the car uphill to get it there.  My attempt to push it up the hill was unsuccessful, so we used our newest toy, a Garmin nuvi 1300, to help us find a tow truck to pull it there.

Break:  I hear Ann Coulter's voice on the television in the living room.  Be right back!

On with the story... 

With more good fortune, the tow truck driver was on his way to move another automobile and said he would be passing our location on the way.  Since it was convenient, he said he would move it for $20 as long as I wouldn't tell his boss, but I let him keep a nice tip for helping us out so much.  PepBoys was able to put us on the list and we were able to get away far cheaper, but not quicker, than I had hoped.

We did finally make it to the Elizabeth House just before 10:00 that night where our hosts informed us that we could take a short walk down the street to make it just in time to see fireworks over the waterfall.  Since we skipped supper in order to make better time, we then dined at the Hard Rock Cafe since it was the only place open that late at night.

The next morning, we were finally able to witness the true beauty that is Niagara Falls.  Regardless of our location at the park, the scenery was continuously breathtaking.  We even got the chance to take the Cave of Winds Tour, which allowed us to view the falls from the bottom up.  If you ever go to Niagara, this is one attraction you should not pass up.

After our morning at the falls, we drove back down to Erie, Pennsylvania and stayed at theGeorge Carroll House.  (Can you tell we've become fans of the Bed and Breakfast option?)  We spent the next morning at Presque Isle State Park where you have an impressive view of Lake Erie.  It was really hard for me to comprehend the fact that this body of water was merely a lake and not an entire ocean.  The waves crashing on the shore were actually larger than the ones I saw at Gulf Shores back in June.

When the rain began to come down on us at Presque Isle, we decided to pack our belongings and make the next part of our drive down to Cleveland.  We arrived earlier than we had planned, so we spent a couple of hours touring downtown.  I would have loved to have been able to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but we didn't have quite enough time for it before the Indians game.  The game at Progressive Field also proved to be much more entertaining than the blowout at Great American Ball Park a few days earlier.  I also found it extremely impressive to see just how hard Vladimir Guerrero can hit a baseball.

The game in Cleveland was almost the final part of our trip.  On our drive back to Nashville on Wednesday morning, we made a short detour to Covington, Kentucky to locate the childhood homes of my maternal grandparents.  It was rather fascinating to see these houses, and I took several pictures to pass on to them since my mother informed me that they hadn't seen them in a while.  (The Garmin really displayed its worth with this mission.)

I also must mention that I added New York and Pennsylvania to my collection of "State Rocks."

Now, I'll leave you with some pictures from our excursion.  Enjoy!

 

Great American Ball Park

Holding my "New York Rock" I pulled out of the Niagara River

A rainbow... Duh

View from the Observation Tower

View from the Cave of Winds Tour

Betty Clair on the Cave of Winds Tour

Presque Isle/Lake Erie

Progressive Field

Mama Lue's Childhood Home

Papa Bene's Childhood Home

A Momentous Occasion

Today, a remarkable and exciting thing happened in America.  No, I'm not talking about about B. Hussein Obama getting inaugurated.  The adjectives I use for that event are actually tragic and devastating.  There was another event that took place today that has been a long time coming.  Betty Clair and I have anticipated this moment for months.  

At approximately 2:32 p.m. central standard time, I put her car through yet another emissions test, which it had failed yet again last week.  This time, however, it passed with flying colors and we will finally be allowed to get her a Tennessee car tag.  It only took several months of mechanic work and hundred of dollars to get to this point.  (Thank you again for your influence, Mr. Gore.)

The Talents of a Nose

Oh, the things I am yet to learn about my wife...

Yesterday, I made a rather compelling discovery.  While sitting at the Christmas tree recycling site waiting on the tow truck driver,  I learned that Betty Clair's nose is able to laugh.  Yes, you read that correctly, I said her nose is able to laugh.

I've already known for a few years that her nose has the ability to show signs of aggression when agitated.  When she becomes angry or upset (usually due to me) her nostrils will form into a flared shape and typically be held in that position for 2-3 seconds at a time before relaxing briefly and then flaring again.  I often envision little puffs of smoke drifting from her nares when this happens.  If I let her know what I'm picturing it often leads to more prolonged flares.

But back to the laughing part...  

While waiting on the tow truck driver, we were engaged in an enjoyable discussion about the types of people dropping off trees, guessing what they did for a living, and contemplating whether they were able to decorate a pretty tree.  This exchange was humorous and entertaining for both of us, but I noticed that Betty Clair was especially enthralled by our chosen topic, even so much that her nose was producing rapid gyrations with every hearty laugh she gave.  Somehow, this is a phenomenon I have never noticed before.  Furthermore, when I pointed it out to her, it caused me to laugh harder which caused her to laugh harder and led to more nose gyrations.  I'm sure all our fellow recyclers were quite puzzled as to what could be going on in a broke-down Ranger in below freezing temperatures that was so amusing.  Looking back, I'm kind of wondering myself.

If you want an update on the broke-down truck, it goes as follows:

Yesterday, we drove a mile or so down the road to get rid of our Christmas tree now that its purpose has been fulfilled.  After tossing my Christmas tree on top of the recycling pile and not next to it (as anyone who has ever piled limbs before knows is appropriate),  I put the ol' Ranger back in gear and turned around to head back home.  After only an estimated 1.6 seconds into the turn, however, I heard a popping sound as if running over a plastic coke bottle and then noticed a sweet-smelling smoke emerging from under the hood.  I immediately parked it, shut off the engine, and proceeded to call the mechanic who sent out his tow truck driver.  After enjoying our hour-long wait in the pick-up (and being told no more than 30 minutes), the tow truck showed up to take us home and haul my truck off to the mechanic.  They were able to look at it and told me their first impression is that there is something wrong electrically and can be fixed for around $125.  That's not too bad at all, but he also said it may have gotten hotter than I realized.  I sure hope not, but it sure seems hard to shake the Hatcher curse of endless vehicle problems, so I'l probably be in for a rude awakening on Friday.

Thank you, Mr. Gore

Well, it looks like Betty Clair and I will have to spend hundreds of dollars on unnecessary car repairs, again. Thanks to all the hippies and tree-huggers, the state of Tennessee has an emissions test that all automobiles must pass in order to apply for a state license plate. The "Check Engine" light was on in both of our vehicles when we moved here; thus, we automatically fail the aforementioned test. The state completely disregards the fact that both of our automobiles are running perfectly fine and that neither one of them is actually polluting more than any other typical vehicle on the road. The heinous offense we have commited is that we simply allowed that dreaded little orange light to show up on the dashboard. Now we are forced to empty our wallets to change that in a desperate attempt to help save Mother Earth.

A couple of months ago, we has to spend about $800 on my truck alone to get the repairs done to turn my warning light off. Now, it appears that we will have to spend even more to repair Betty Clair's car. The mechanic, seemingly in a regretful manner, simply said, "Welcome to Tennessee." I'm sure he and many others in his profession have seen this circumstance many, many times since this initiative was implemented. Owners of safe, well-running cars and trucks are forced to spend gross amounts of money every year to have minor changes made to their car so this test can be passed and we don't burn up the planet with all our carbon use.

This frustrating dilemma exists due to things like the agenda being pushed by Al Gore and other crooks in his line of work. It is difficult to comprehend how this state program does very much to actually reduce the amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere. (It's actually not even a pollutant, but that topic requires another post entirely.) My truck is running exactly the same now as it did before we spent hundred of dollars on it, and I am quite certain that Betty Clair's car will respond the same way. We simply have to spend these exorbitant amounts of money so that Mr. Gore and his cohorts can sleep easier at night since they feel as if they are saving Mother Earth. I don't think he would pretend to care quite as much if his bank account didn't benefit greatly from this cause. However, he certainly makes sure that his own comfort isn't compromised by any of these standards, though, as evidenced by the fact that he leaves his car idling during speeches so that it is nice and cool upon his return. Additionally, his electricity bill at his personal residence here in Nashville shows more electricity usage in a month than the average home does in an entire year. That doesn't seem very eco-friendly to me. How is it that he is able to help impose these silly restrictions on average Americans in hopes of saving the planet, but he is the biggest (again, pun intended) hypocrite around when it comes to his own affairs? Will the mainstream media ever call him out on it? That doesn't seem likely. Now, he is also even calling for acts of civil disobedience as a means to prevent construction of new coal plants. Yes, he is encouraging people to break laws to further his cause. I don't think he would do so himself, though. That would require too much energy, and maybe his excuse is he doesn't want to breathe too hard and pollute the air with all his carbon, which is not the only hot air he expels.

I, for one, believe this whole claim of man-made climate change is the most widely employed scam on the human race ever, so all this trouble of ours makes me particularly furious. Unfortunately, the media has jumped on the bandwagon and Americans seem to blindly listen to anything they are told by people like Katie Couric, George Clooney, or Oprah (more people who fuss about this problem after arrive in private jets or limousines). Hopefully, history will one day look back on this ploy and realize what a shame it was how so many people were duped by this idea. Until then, I guess we just have to suck it up and spend all our money on pointless automobile work that has no impact whatsoever on how hot it is tomorrow.